There are many avenues to consider when looking at how your Mindset can affect Fertility. A word can say a thousand things, and often it can be the interpretation that leads to a thought, that leads to a belief, that leads to an emotional response. So, How can language affect your fertility? Because it affects your mindset.
HOW LANGUAGE AFFECTS US
I talk about the importance of self language with my clients, but what is also hugely impactful is the language of others, health care, friends, family, the media and how this can affect our mindset.
"I'll never be a mum" is a thought experienced by many while trying to conceive, or "what if I never become a mum?" Whats key here is that its a thought, but it can seem so real. so we can look at different approaches
- We can use reframing:
"What if I become a mum?
2. We can use affirmations, an affirmation isn't a false hope, an affirmation is something we can say that can ring true to us and ignite positive feelings. It has to be the right one for you,
"I am ready to be a mum"
"I am working with my body to support fertility"
- We can acknowledge them as thoughts and let them sit and be..
NOT GETTING ONES HOPES UP
The thing is, it's not always easy to say something that we don't believe, or daren't believe. There is this avoidance of getting ones hopes up. I'll be honest, this can be a tricky one to break and a trickier one to fathom! As Morrisey sang:
"A pessimist is never disappointed"
So if you didn't dare to think you would get pregnant, is it easier, when you don't?
If you didn't get your hopes up about the pregnancy, is it easier to deal with a miscarriage? of course it wasn't.
But what you did miss is the excitement of what might be. It's how we work. We almost daren't believe at times.
MY OWN POLLYANNA COMPLEX
Through my own life of expecting the worse and never being disappointed, I made a change, I changed the view and I truly believe that all is good and will be good and at times I do believe that all my hope and dreams will be achieved. I'm excited at the possibilities and I will find the silver liming, I will find the positive.
I joke often with one of my clients, who accused me of having a Pollyanna complex, If you're not aware of Pollyanna, there was a 1960's Disney film, based on the 1031 book, about a girl, who less than being the naive girl she was believed to be, had an incredible ability to find positives, she played the "glad game", which is very much like the gratitude practices we hear so much about today. She didn't just ignore what was happening search for rainbows, she saw what there was to be glad about other aspects in a given situation.
THE CRAP HAS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED
So yes, at times it is crap, it really is, and those feelings must be acknowledged, but we can look beyond, we can reframe, we can if not bale to be overly positive, we can recognise the negativity.
It's about balance, but more so its about being aware of our thoughts, as when we are aware of them we can start to manage the
THE LANGUAGE OF OTHERS
I also want to talk about the language of others, the insensitivity or the overly positive, which doesn't allow us to be sad.
There seems to be, particularly, amongst the health care system, an inability to be positive. A need to always inform of us of what could go wrong. I'm never sure is this is litigiously led, or just how things have always been.
I have a client who is pregnant, much dancing and gratitude. She has had 3 previous pregnancies that have ended in the first trimester. So obviously there is apprehension and worry interspersed with the dancing.
As a result, she is under the care of the early pregnancy unit, who are doing HCG blood test monitoring. Her HCG had doubled, which is the crieeria looked at for a developing pregnancy. The range for the results, at her gestation is 5 - 426, her result, 117, so yay, more dancing.
But, the nurse said, she thought they were low!!! I'm staggered.
"Within range and rising" was all she needed to say.
So of course, what follows is an increase in doubt and worry . The mind going down the rabbit hole of where it's been before. I'm not saying the nurse should have done a dance, she needs to be sensitive to the situation. But why did she to point out a negative, and it was FALSE?
So, the overly positive person who doesn't want you to be sad. This person tells you, it will be Ok, the one who promises the earth, when you're not ready to hear it. There is no malice, it is the human nature to comfort, but what is needed is foryouyr feelings to be acknowledged.
Imagine a child. When my son cries, I have (almost) never told him not to, (I'm not claiming perfect parenting here). But, I have tried to always acknowledge his feelings,
"You're really sad about this aren't you?" The fact that I may think its not necessary is not the point here, his feelings are.
We can then move to a discussion of what's happened, allowing him to express his feelings. This allows him to work through, perhaps see it as a thought, a feeling. Ultimately he is able to see a way through.
It is when we get stuck in these feelings, that the become a core belief, then it's time for a rewire....
Do you acknowledge your own feelings?
MIND AND BODY CONNECTION
There is a lot of work regarding the mind and body connection. Studies show how visualisation can reduce pain and have improved chemotherapy results.
I'm a great fan of science, a background in nursing and an MSc, and David Hamilton's book, How your Mind can Heal your Body is a great read, with lots of science.
The mind and Body connection, is a huge part of the Fertility Rewire programme. Utilising knowledge, Thought recognition and management, reconnecting the fertile mind and the fertile body, visualisations and coaching.
Your body cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. If you remember a sad time, you may cry. If you remember an embarrassing time, you may blush. What else could it believe?
Remember, your body will respond to instructions from the brain, emotional instructions, non-vital systems, shut down.
So can your mindset affect your fertility, yes, myself and the science, believe it absolutely can. If you want to know more about working with me, see here