Are you trying to be invincible?
maybe not on a conscious level, but on a sub conscious one. I chat with Sue Ritchie, a transformational coach who works with women to address long held beliefs that affect their daily lives.
Why is this relevant to fertility? Well its relevant. to your mental and emotional health and as I've said throughout all podcasts and part of the Fertility Rewire programme. If you feel in danger, if stress hormones re at play, if survival mode is in play, then yes fertility is affected, but all health is affected. Sleep, health, stress levels are all a result.
Sue has identified 10 massive mistakes made by women who are busting a gut to be invincible? Wow, that makes your ears prick up up doesn't it?
You may not think you are doing them so let's see if any ring true? I have separated them into 2 parts so lets look at mistakes 1-5 first of all.
1. My best is never good enough.
Is this something that rings true for you? maybe not all the time, but do you think this?
Do you know where it has comes from?
Why would you think this?
What could the root cause of this be?
We discuss this and I share how at age 10, getting ready for a ballet lesson I heard someone say something that I know shapes this in me, triggers that response, those feelings.
This also gets tied up with perfectionism too, this can be a part of your home, personal or work life, but when it comes to fertility, it can specifically play a part too. The need for control, the difficulty in not being able to control tis, that spinning out of control feeling. Not being good enough?
Can I just add at this point, you are good enough.
2. Completing tasks comes before people and fun
Have you cancelled things that were about you, time with friends, loved ones, exercise, time to your self, because something needs doing at work? Do you choose to stay late, work extra days? Why? Is it necessary, is it expected, required? will your job really depend o it, or is it a perception? a worry?
This is something that affects so many people, the nourishing restful activities in life take second place. More pressure, more triggering of the survival mode.
Sue discussed how this may be triggered by the need for approval which also represents security and how again a lot of these patterns will have started in childhood.
We discuss standing in your power, which sent my thoughts to Wonder Woman, (an absolute hero of mine, I might add at this time!)
3. Taking time out is pointless.
If you are addicted to business, taking time out may appear a waste of time or hard to just do. but having that down time, which doesnt have to be resting or meditating, I might add, although both hugely beneficial. For me resting is doing something that fills my heart, lets me just be, could be exercise, sorting out a cupboard even, its taken a long time to be happy pottering! The key thing is time away from busyness.
We discussed finding out who you are, which sounds very deep, but equally can be confronting, being in the quiet can be a daunting feeling.
Are you still connected to work when on holiday, is it a sense of control or is it the need to be seen to be present, what will people think? Its hard nowadays with phones and constant access, can you switch off from it? If you cant this could be something as with all of these mistakes that finding the root cause of, may indeed be beneficial.
Sue also discusses how clients have seen greta shifts on their life and personal relationships when they start to take care of themselves more in this way of time away from the busy busyness.
Or perhaps you see the benefit, but you just don't have the time?
Why don't you have the time?
4. Doing nothing is lazy.
And here it could be that that's your thought, or you think others may think it of you? Could it be a sense of competitiveness, or a judgement passed on to you at some point?
We discuss meditation and as with mistake number 3, the importance of relaxing, or nourishing activities which can be active, but time for the mind to settle and be.
5. Busyness equals appreciation
Again this could come down to the need for approval and Sue shares her own experience of needing her Dads approval, even into her 40's and 50's.
When you get praise for doing something, or reprimanded for being lazy as a child this can embed the core belief that you have to be busy. I have found throughout my life that I am never seen being busy, and I then over justify and lift off what I jave been doing. I have believed that some people can do this perfectly, maybe they are not doing anything generally, but can be seen in the moment that they are?
Perhaps this is true for you at work, others are getting the praise, the recognition? The key thing is, does it increase levels of stress and tension? This is a really strong trigger and we look into this need for approval.
We also talk about the inner judge and how she can be vicious.
I really hope you enjoy the episode, and perhaps you might identify some traits. You may need to dig a little deeper to find that trigger and if so what not get in touch with Sue. You can find her at www.sue-ritchie.com.
If you would like to read the full transcript, you can get it here